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2 entries this month
Transient16:05 Feb 27 2007
Times Read: 733
That's quite alright..walk past me, I'll just keep sliding along. There is nothing you have that cannot be gotten easier elsewhere. You're chewing on rat meat and calling it veal..you won't find what you're looking for out there.
Hungry Ghost
07:22 Feb 06 2007
Times Read: 709
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone." I have given things the best attempt that I can as far as being cheerful goes. I just cannot do it. There is too little in or about me that inspires it. Even when I see something that warms me up inside and I smile..it is always interrupted by a sudden heartbreaking notion. Do you know what that notion is? It's a little voice inside my head that assures me constantly of one thing at all times..."..what you see will never be yours." Now, that's an uplifting whisperer to have mounted on your shoulder isn't it?
I don't understand what I am suppose to do..nothing helps anymore. The only things that seem to make me happy are distractions and indulgences. I am so goddamn addicted to stimulation that without it I feel about as tall as a blade of grass next to a bulldozer! I just want people to love me..I just want them to care and I also want to do exactly what I want to do and get exactly what I want when I whenever the hell I want it. I am a preta, I understand that. I can never quench my thirst and never quiet the psychotic rumble in my belly and mind that screams "CONSUME" all day and night long. Going down on a woman, licking blood from a wound, hearing the music, shattering in the flashing lights..I can't escape this stage. I am a vampire in the greatest sense.
I can't stand it when they dance on the stage..it rips me apart inside to see them..but no one sees me. I am just a ghost banging on the walls, a casualty of god only knows what. Most people survive the break when we move from the world of the kid to the world of the man, but I think I lost part of me back there. I wish I had it back. Is this just nostalgia..were things ever better? Perhaps not. Please don't think you understand me..because the thing that really needs to be said cannot be heard..but only understood. Should you understand that concept, the perhaps you should share it. If you don't, then please don't waste my time with questions. The lantern is burning out...
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